Super Star

It's been 7 months since my last post.

We now have 3 children, 2 new jobs and we are about to buy a mini van.  Say Whaat??

I've never been more tired... more exhilarated... more anxious.. more peaceful... more sad... more happy all at the same time. This journey is not for the faint of heart and I'm changing... for the better.

Motherhood is changing me...

I'm now drawn to the color green. Bizaar, I know.  My friend says it's because I'm a mom now and drawn to growth. It's also cool because our 11 year old daughter loves green.... and any reason for similarities to promote bonding is A.o.k. with me. P.s. forming maternal bonds with a tween is no joke! This is the age where developmentally they begin to push parents away and we are trying to pull her in!  In this world things look one way but Gods ways are usually opposite of that so again we will entrust this journey to the Lord who can work it out! Woot!

I now enjoy mopping the floors. I enjoy folding laundry.  I enjoy cleaning the kitchen. Or should I say I enjoy the feeling I get after its done. The sense of accomplishment knowing I'm caring for my home and my family..

I now feel like a Super Hero, a Rock Star a Multi~ tasking Queen!
Who wakes up at 5:45am, leaves the house at 7:45am, after feeding, clothing and nurturing 6 individuals (myself, hubs and Chewie included) ? THIS GIRL!
Who then spends the next 10 hours commuting, dropping off children,  working at a job where I'm influencing the community for the prevention of child abuse, picking up children and doing phonetic lessons with my 4 year old in the car as we drive? THIS GIRL!
Who arrives home, whips together a meal, cleans the home, picks out clothes for the next day, hugs, kisses, reads, sings, laughs with her 3 children and falls into bed at 9:30? THIS GIRL!

I am not perfect. I take my stress out on my husband, I eat too much, I worry too much, I frown too much, I swear too much, I yell too much.... but I write all of the above to say, I am capable of much more than I thought I was capable of.
For those of you who really know me.. you know that I am more of a "be er" than a "do er". I like to just be.... hanging with friends.. watching the grass grow... laying out getting a tan... talking with people.. watching a sunset.. yada yada... but there is no time for that when there are 3 beautiful children standing at your feet, Chewie nipping at your heels, and a hubs who deserves more of me than I give.

So.... I am now a "do er" Super Star who needs to make time to just be... every once and awhile.

There is so much more to say... but I'm too busy to say it!

For my peeps, please know that I still love you! The demands of this life are great but I think of you often and cherish the short texts/messages or short calls when we can.

Off to save the world! One dirty dish at a time!

Yes.... I'm a mother now.... wow.

Home stretch!!

So much has changed since my last blog entry. I have a front door!   I have a front door with numbers on it!  I have a front door with numbers on it and a wreath!  I have a door, numbers, wreath and a stoop!  A stoop with pumpkins and mums. :) God is good.

 

I have started my children's book collection that I bought at my local library of the new town I live in. My cute little town where I live right around the corner from the community pool and local High School football field and track.  My cute little town that has cute little parks within walking distance. (picture below)

 

 

 

My Cute Little house!!!! (with my cute little dog in the window)

 

TODAY we had our home inspection for our licensing with the state........ and WE PASSED!!!!!

 

I was feeling so nervous about so many little things and the things I was 'worried' about, the Licensing Lady didn't even mention. 

The Licensing Lady asked us so many questions...  from what typical breakfast lunch and dinner look like around here... to where is your first aid kit... to what is your water temperature set at... to how would you discipline children... to where do you store your medicines... to what family activities do you do together... to does every window open in your house?  

 

The Licensing Lady measured the bedrooms and through her calculations figured that we can have up to 4 children in our home.  and just think.... a few months ago we lived in a one bedroom apartment, not knowing how in the world we could do this!!  It's all starting to be so exciting!!

 

Over this past weekend I went on a retreat to the Poconos with some ladies from our church.  I was nervous to go because it was just last Thursday that the Licensing lady called to tell us she was coming today! I was thinking that there was no way we could get the house ready with me gone the whole weekend, but it all worked out!

 

I was SICK AS A DOG the entire weekend... but It Was So Worth It!  It was so awesome to have two days away from technology, responsibilities, and stress.  It was so awesome to regroup.. slow down.. focus on the Lord and hang out with some fun ladies!  On the last day, our pastors wife encouraged us to write a letter to ourselves about what God is doing in our lives right now or really whatever you wanted to write.  She will mail the letter to us next year, around this time so we can remember and look back to what the Lord has done. I spent some time praying beforehand and God's peace poured into my heart.  I was continually wrestling with my emotions as I thought about never having biological children of 'my own'.   But God's peace poured in and all I can say is... GOD IS REAL FOLKS!   He works, He is alive, He loves His people!  I kept thinking about when ¹⁴ Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matthew 19:14)  I may never have biological children but we will be loving, parenting and caring for GOD'S CHILDREN! Children who have been potentially abused, neglected, abandoned.  I can 100% say with confidence, I am ok with the thought of never having biological children.  God did a work in my heart this weekend. This is my mission!  To love the unlovely.... to love children of all races and issues and backgrounds... whoever comes to us.. whoever stays or doesn't stay with us... we will love them all the same.  We will strive to love them as God loves them.

People say.... make sure you guard your heart... make sure you don't fall in love with the children because you never know if they are going to go back to their biological family  I say-  FOOEY!  I'm jumping in folks!  I'm going to love til it hurts.  That's the only way I know how. Is it because I'm a good person?  NO!  My heart is wackadoo.  It is because of GOD's LOVE FOR ME!  I can only love because I know the One who IS LOVE! 

 

SO.... we are jumpin in folks!  Within the month of November, Hubs will be having back surgery and Lord willing we will receive our Foster care/Adoption license from the state.  So much is happening all at once and I'm pretty sure it's all so that God will get the glory because it's all such craziness! Within a few months time we will have moved, have had major surgery, been licensened and possibly have a baby/children in our home by Christmas!  woa....  

 

Run to the One who IS LOVE!  God is real... His Word is truth... He can heal... He can bring peace.. He changes lives!

 

Packing, Waiting, Waiting, Packing

Foster Care/Adoption Update:

We have nothing left to do!  Our resource worker and the state people still have stuff to do... but we have nothing left to do except MOVE! 

We wrote our biographies, we handed in copies of our bills, and now we MOVE and WAIT!

Those two words don't often go together... moving and waiting.  On one hand we are very busy as we are packing, organizing, cleaning, throwing stuff out and on the other hand time seems to be standing still as we wait.  Isn't September over yet? Isn't it time to move yet?  The summer flew by and now September feels like an eternity as we wait. 

mov·ing

/ˈmuvɪŋ/ Show Spelle[moo-ving]  

adjective

1. capable of or having movement: a moving object. 

2. causing or producing motion.

3. involved in changing the location of possessions, a residence, office, etc.: moving expenses. 

wait·ing

/ˈweɪtɪŋ/ Show Spelled[wey-ting]  

noun

1. a period of waiting; pause, interval, or delay.

 

These two words seem to be opposites and yet this is the very state we are in. Moving and Waiting.

 

We are in an outward state of 'movement' and an inward state of 'pause, interval delay'.  With this inward state of 'pause', I know God wants us to be peaceful with the peace that only He can give.

 

Adoption is truly a mind blowing subject when you think about it.....  Almost all of the time we are met with positive reactions as we share our journey with others.  Of course we are so thankful for the support and love and encouraging words. Over the years when anyone has shared with me that they are adopting my response is always, 'that's so awesome!".   and it is awesome... but it is lined with sadness as well.  In order for a child to be adopted, in essence they have had to be rejected. This is not the case in all adoptions because there are circumstances when a birth mother chooses adoption, but in our case of adopting through foster care there is a lot of pain and awful circumstances surrounding it.  I am already grieving with my future children. I am already feeling some of this pain for them.  It's probably best that I process this now, so that I can help my future children process it in the future.

 

Just like moving and waiting are two things that can co-exist, so is the awesomeness and awfulness that surrounds adoption through foster care.  

 

I am reminded of how God is called the Lion and the Lamb-  two animals that are completely different in nature.   There are so many other examples in life of things that are opposites.  There is beauty in this.      

 

So we peacefully move... and we peacefully wait.

 

We are moving!

Time for an update!

This summer has been a whirlwind! And it doesn't look like the wind is stopping anytime soon... which is ok , because we are moving to a house!

A house = bedrooms where our future children can sleep!
= a washing machine and dryer, no more laundromat!
= a yard for our dog and future children to play!
= a yard to grow flowers and plants and herbs!
= a front stoop to decorate for every season!

Can you tell I'm excited?

I'm very thankful for the time we have had in our little apartment. I'm thankful for the neighbor friends we have made. But it's time folks! Time to fly the coup!

Foster care/Adoption update: we are in the home stretch. :)

Our classes are done. We have met a few times with our state worker to do the Home Study, & we only have a few things left to do.
Our state worker will send the Home Study to Trenton, we will move at the end of the month,a state officer comes to approve of our new digs and then we wait to be officially licenced!

The goal and the hope is that we will be  officially licensed by the end of October.

Please continue to keep us in prayer!

The beauty of the back of the tapestry.

Tonight is our 7th class.
Only 2 more to go!

They are bringing in other Foster Parents to class tonight for a time of Q&A. I am hoping we learn a ton from them.

I have to say, the path seems very foggy right now and unclear. Hubs and I are taking this process one step at time but currently I feel like I'm walking in fog. My emotions are literally all over the place..poor hubs. Ha! 

We are still moving forward but after all these classes I feel very nervous about the whole thing.  Because guess what? It's gonna be hard. Just because something is hard though ,doesn't mean it's not the right path to take. 

I do too much of the comparison game. That game is making me nuts. Everybody's path is different and as I look around at everybody elses path I'm missing the beauty of my own! 

You know that whole tapestry illustration? If you look at the back of a tapestry it's a big mess but you flip it over and then see the beauty of what it actually is..what the colors weaved together actually look like.
I'm a big colorful mess but hoping the colors are weaving together a beautiful story. 

The typical baby story: woman gets pregnant, woman announces pregnancy, woman has 9 months to figure things out, process, gather things, set up nursery, baby shower, stretch marks, physical aches and pains, labor and delivery, bonding, beast feeding, bring newborn home.. you know the rest...

My road to motherhood will look much different than this. As I typed this list I think of all my friends and many of their baby stories have had bumps in the road but still kinda look like that. I know those bumps they experienced (struggling to get pregnant, premature deliveries, breast feeding struggles) have been very painful for them ,so I know that really any deviation from the "norm" can be an emotional process and bring heart ache.

I am just currently processing my journey to motherhood and trying to embrace the out of the norm journey that it is. I've dreamed that it would be a certain way but I have to let these dreams go and embrace the beauty of a different path.

My Bestie Katie said, your journey has always looked different. This statement actually brings a lot of comfort and peace.

So I will attend class tonight with Hubs and embrace our path. It definitely looks different but there is beauty in different.
The path is still full of question marks but isn't everybody's?

aaand the Home Study has Begun!

Yesterday we met our Resource Worker.

Our nerves were high as we prepared our home the day before.  We have wonderful friends and one of our wonderful friends came and helped me clean.  THANK YOU D!

I was very nervous that Chewie would bark and sure enough as our Resource worker stood at the bottom of the stairs, he began barking away.  But, I held my composure and calmed the Chews down and then he was fine the rest of the visit.

The day before, we had received a packet in the mail that we were supposed to fill out and give to the Resource Worker.   There was also a list of documents that we were to prepare.  Within less than 24 hours we gathered the documents, filled out the packet and were ready when she arrived.   The packet was an extensive questionnaire about our marriage... it was pretty invasive...  We understand why the state has to be invasive... they have to make sure we are not abusers/crazy people.  I get it.  But it still didn't make it any easier filling it out and being vulnerable with intimate details of our lives.  BUT we did it anyway.

So as our Resource Worker sat down on the couch... and as Chewie continued to sniff her.. we began to nervously 'tell our story'.  She then handed us another packet of questions that we were to fill out right there on the spot.. without conversing... and then she would interview us separately.  These set of questions were even more invasive. It was very nerve wracking as we were separated and then questioned.  Our Resource Worker is nice but we just met the lady and right away we have to bear our souls about intimate details.  It was nerve wracking to say the least.  BUT AGAIN, we did it anyway.

We brought the Resource worker around our apartment and she told us some areas we will need to baby proof.  Wires.. chords.. things that a baby could pull over.. places to put medicines...

The next step is to wait...(which I'm so good at, wink wink) and to continue taking our classes. 3 classes down-- 6 more to go!  Our worker says we are to wait for her to call us with the next step. She will come to our home 2 more times and then someone from Trenton will come to officially evaluate our space and see if there are any violations. Once we are approved with no violations, and we finish our classes, and they  make sure we aren't crazy people... then we will be CERTIFIED!  Once we are certified we could get a call for a placement within 24 hours.  By the end of September we could have a baby in our lives!   Let me state that a different way.... within 2 MONTHS we could have a baby in our lives! 

Let the NESTNG Begin!!!!   

Second/third class done!

We had our second class Monday night aanndd Tuesday received a call learning who our Resource Worker is!

Wednesday night we had our third class and Friday our Resource Worker comes to start the Home Study!

It feels good to know things are moving along. More details on these things to come.
The picture is of the classroom.