Home stretch!!

So much has changed since my last blog entry. I have a front door!   I have a front door with numbers on it!  I have a front door with numbers on it and a wreath!  I have a door, numbers, wreath and a stoop!  A stoop with pumpkins and mums. :) God is good.

 

I have started my children's book collection that I bought at my local library of the new town I live in. My cute little town where I live right around the corner from the community pool and local High School football field and track.  My cute little town that has cute little parks within walking distance. (picture below)

 

 

 

My Cute Little house!!!! (with my cute little dog in the window)

 

TODAY we had our home inspection for our licensing with the state........ and WE PASSED!!!!!

 

I was feeling so nervous about so many little things and the things I was 'worried' about, the Licensing Lady didn't even mention. 

The Licensing Lady asked us so many questions...  from what typical breakfast lunch and dinner look like around here... to where is your first aid kit... to what is your water temperature set at... to how would you discipline children... to where do you store your medicines... to what family activities do you do together... to does every window open in your house?  

 

The Licensing Lady measured the bedrooms and through her calculations figured that we can have up to 4 children in our home.  and just think.... a few months ago we lived in a one bedroom apartment, not knowing how in the world we could do this!!  It's all starting to be so exciting!!

 

Over this past weekend I went on a retreat to the Poconos with some ladies from our church.  I was nervous to go because it was just last Thursday that the Licensing lady called to tell us she was coming today! I was thinking that there was no way we could get the house ready with me gone the whole weekend, but it all worked out!

 

I was SICK AS A DOG the entire weekend... but It Was So Worth It!  It was so awesome to have two days away from technology, responsibilities, and stress.  It was so awesome to regroup.. slow down.. focus on the Lord and hang out with some fun ladies!  On the last day, our pastors wife encouraged us to write a letter to ourselves about what God is doing in our lives right now or really whatever you wanted to write.  She will mail the letter to us next year, around this time so we can remember and look back to what the Lord has done. I spent some time praying beforehand and God's peace poured into my heart.  I was continually wrestling with my emotions as I thought about never having biological children of 'my own'.   But God's peace poured in and all I can say is... GOD IS REAL FOLKS!   He works, He is alive, He loves His people!  I kept thinking about when ¹⁴ Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matthew 19:14)  I may never have biological children but we will be loving, parenting and caring for GOD'S CHILDREN! Children who have been potentially abused, neglected, abandoned.  I can 100% say with confidence, I am ok with the thought of never having biological children.  God did a work in my heart this weekend. This is my mission!  To love the unlovely.... to love children of all races and issues and backgrounds... whoever comes to us.. whoever stays or doesn't stay with us... we will love them all the same.  We will strive to love them as God loves them.

People say.... make sure you guard your heart... make sure you don't fall in love with the children because you never know if they are going to go back to their biological family  I say-  FOOEY!  I'm jumping in folks!  I'm going to love til it hurts.  That's the only way I know how. Is it because I'm a good person?  NO!  My heart is wackadoo.  It is because of GOD's LOVE FOR ME!  I can only love because I know the One who IS LOVE! 

 

SO.... we are jumpin in folks!  Within the month of November, Hubs will be having back surgery and Lord willing we will receive our Foster care/Adoption license from the state.  So much is happening all at once and I'm pretty sure it's all so that God will get the glory because it's all such craziness! Within a few months time we will have moved, have had major surgery, been licensened and possibly have a baby/children in our home by Christmas!  woa....  

 

Run to the One who IS LOVE!  God is real... His Word is truth... He can heal... He can bring peace.. He changes lives!

 

Packing, Waiting, Waiting, Packing

Foster Care/Adoption Update:

We have nothing left to do!  Our resource worker and the state people still have stuff to do... but we have nothing left to do except MOVE! 

We wrote our biographies, we handed in copies of our bills, and now we MOVE and WAIT!

Those two words don't often go together... moving and waiting.  On one hand we are very busy as we are packing, organizing, cleaning, throwing stuff out and on the other hand time seems to be standing still as we wait.  Isn't September over yet? Isn't it time to move yet?  The summer flew by and now September feels like an eternity as we wait. 

mov·ing

/ˈmuvɪŋ/ Show Spelle[moo-ving]  

adjective

1. capable of or having movement: a moving object. 

2. causing or producing motion.

3. involved in changing the location of possessions, a residence, office, etc.: moving expenses. 

wait·ing

/ˈweɪtɪŋ/ Show Spelled[wey-ting]  

noun

1. a period of waiting; pause, interval, or delay.

 

These two words seem to be opposites and yet this is the very state we are in. Moving and Waiting.

 

We are in an outward state of 'movement' and an inward state of 'pause, interval delay'.  With this inward state of 'pause', I know God wants us to be peaceful with the peace that only He can give.

 

Adoption is truly a mind blowing subject when you think about it.....  Almost all of the time we are met with positive reactions as we share our journey with others.  Of course we are so thankful for the support and love and encouraging words. Over the years when anyone has shared with me that they are adopting my response is always, 'that's so awesome!".   and it is awesome... but it is lined with sadness as well.  In order for a child to be adopted, in essence they have had to be rejected. This is not the case in all adoptions because there are circumstances when a birth mother chooses adoption, but in our case of adopting through foster care there is a lot of pain and awful circumstances surrounding it.  I am already grieving with my future children. I am already feeling some of this pain for them.  It's probably best that I process this now, so that I can help my future children process it in the future.

 

Just like moving and waiting are two things that can co-exist, so is the awesomeness and awfulness that surrounds adoption through foster care.  

 

I am reminded of how God is called the Lion and the Lamb-  two animals that are completely different in nature.   There are so many other examples in life of things that are opposites.  There is beauty in this.      

 

So we peacefully move... and we peacefully wait.

 

We are moving!

Time for an update!

This summer has been a whirlwind! And it doesn't look like the wind is stopping anytime soon... which is ok , because we are moving to a house!

A house = bedrooms where our future children can sleep!
= a washing machine and dryer, no more laundromat!
= a yard for our dog and future children to play!
= a yard to grow flowers and plants and herbs!
= a front stoop to decorate for every season!

Can you tell I'm excited?

I'm very thankful for the time we have had in our little apartment. I'm thankful for the neighbor friends we have made. But it's time folks! Time to fly the coup!

Foster care/Adoption update: we are in the home stretch. :)

Our classes are done. We have met a few times with our state worker to do the Home Study, & we only have a few things left to do.
Our state worker will send the Home Study to Trenton, we will move at the end of the month,a state officer comes to approve of our new digs and then we wait to be officially licenced!

The goal and the hope is that we will be  officially licensed by the end of October.

Please continue to keep us in prayer!

The beauty of the back of the tapestry.

Tonight is our 7th class.
Only 2 more to go!

They are bringing in other Foster Parents to class tonight for a time of Q&A. I am hoping we learn a ton from them.

I have to say, the path seems very foggy right now and unclear. Hubs and I are taking this process one step at time but currently I feel like I'm walking in fog. My emotions are literally all over the place..poor hubs. Ha! 

We are still moving forward but after all these classes I feel very nervous about the whole thing.  Because guess what? It's gonna be hard. Just because something is hard though ,doesn't mean it's not the right path to take. 

I do too much of the comparison game. That game is making me nuts. Everybody's path is different and as I look around at everybody elses path I'm missing the beauty of my own! 

You know that whole tapestry illustration? If you look at the back of a tapestry it's a big mess but you flip it over and then see the beauty of what it actually is..what the colors weaved together actually look like.
I'm a big colorful mess but hoping the colors are weaving together a beautiful story. 

The typical baby story: woman gets pregnant, woman announces pregnancy, woman has 9 months to figure things out, process, gather things, set up nursery, baby shower, stretch marks, physical aches and pains, labor and delivery, bonding, beast feeding, bring newborn home.. you know the rest...

My road to motherhood will look much different than this. As I typed this list I think of all my friends and many of their baby stories have had bumps in the road but still kinda look like that. I know those bumps they experienced (struggling to get pregnant, premature deliveries, breast feeding struggles) have been very painful for them ,so I know that really any deviation from the "norm" can be an emotional process and bring heart ache.

I am just currently processing my journey to motherhood and trying to embrace the out of the norm journey that it is. I've dreamed that it would be a certain way but I have to let these dreams go and embrace the beauty of a different path.

My Bestie Katie said, your journey has always looked different. This statement actually brings a lot of comfort and peace.

So I will attend class tonight with Hubs and embrace our path. It definitely looks different but there is beauty in different.
The path is still full of question marks but isn't everybody's?

aaand the Home Study has Begun!

Yesterday we met our Resource Worker.

Our nerves were high as we prepared our home the day before.  We have wonderful friends and one of our wonderful friends came and helped me clean.  THANK YOU D!

I was very nervous that Chewie would bark and sure enough as our Resource worker stood at the bottom of the stairs, he began barking away.  But, I held my composure and calmed the Chews down and then he was fine the rest of the visit.

The day before, we had received a packet in the mail that we were supposed to fill out and give to the Resource Worker.   There was also a list of documents that we were to prepare.  Within less than 24 hours we gathered the documents, filled out the packet and were ready when she arrived.   The packet was an extensive questionnaire about our marriage... it was pretty invasive...  We understand why the state has to be invasive... they have to make sure we are not abusers/crazy people.  I get it.  But it still didn't make it any easier filling it out and being vulnerable with intimate details of our lives.  BUT we did it anyway.

So as our Resource Worker sat down on the couch... and as Chewie continued to sniff her.. we began to nervously 'tell our story'.  She then handed us another packet of questions that we were to fill out right there on the spot.. without conversing... and then she would interview us separately.  These set of questions were even more invasive. It was very nerve wracking as we were separated and then questioned.  Our Resource Worker is nice but we just met the lady and right away we have to bear our souls about intimate details.  It was nerve wracking to say the least.  BUT AGAIN, we did it anyway.

We brought the Resource worker around our apartment and she told us some areas we will need to baby proof.  Wires.. chords.. things that a baby could pull over.. places to put medicines...

The next step is to wait...(which I'm so good at, wink wink) and to continue taking our classes. 3 classes down-- 6 more to go!  Our worker says we are to wait for her to call us with the next step. She will come to our home 2 more times and then someone from Trenton will come to officially evaluate our space and see if there are any violations. Once we are approved with no violations, and we finish our classes, and they  make sure we aren't crazy people... then we will be CERTIFIED!  Once we are certified we could get a call for a placement within 24 hours.  By the end of September we could have a baby in our lives!   Let me state that a different way.... within 2 MONTHS we could have a baby in our lives! 

Let the NESTNG Begin!!!!   

Second/third class done!

We had our second class Monday night aanndd Tuesday received a call learning who our Resource Worker is!

Wednesday night we had our third class and Friday our Resource Worker comes to start the Home Study!

It feels good to know things are moving along. More details on these things to come.
The picture is of the classroom.

Fingerprinting: check!

Fingerprinting done!

We are still waiting for a call from our official Resource Worker.

Hopefully this week!

First class done!

Part of the reason for blogging about our journey is to share the foster care/ adoption process with folks who are interested in pursuing this for themselves.  Part of the reason is to have a written account of our own to look back and see. Part of the reason for blogging is to share with our friends and family near and far what is going on! 

Monday night was the Miriam's Heart get together.
Tuesday night was our first PRIDE class where a state worker actually came to our home and gave us our own personal class.  He said that he rarely ever does personal classes for people but our worker pulled some strings so that we could do the JULY set of classes instead of August. 

The Miriam's Heart  get together was great!  There were representatives from different agencies there as well as from the state.  There were a handful of parents there who are Foster Parents already.  Some whom have adopted through the state... some whom have fostered for years and the children have been reunited with their biological family.  There were wonderful discussions and wonderful questions asked.  We learned a lot. :)

Our first PRIDE class went well!

PRIDE classes-
Parent Resources for Information Development and Education

We received our PRIDE book that we have to bring to the 9 required classes.  The book is over 400  pages long.... whoa......   my favorite section is the section on "Hair and Skin care for children of African decent."   This is the first section I will read! We have no idea what race baby/children we will have some day.  Time to learn about it all!  More serious topics in the book are "Understanding Child Traumatic Stress" and "Behavioral problems of Children who have been Sexually Abused". We have no idea the amount or type of abuse/neglect that the children will have who come to us.  That is the main reason for these classes.. to prepare us for the journey ahead.

We found out that there will be NUMEROUS state workers in our life.   We will have a Resource worker and the child will have a different resource worker.  There will be a nurse that comes to do monthly visits to make sure we are taking care of the child's medical needs (taking to dr., getting proper vaccinations etc).  There will be a Licensing officer who comes prior to us being licensed to make sure our home is safe.  They will check for the obvious things... making sure outlets are covered, baby gates for the stairs, etc.  They will also check for more obscure things like the temperature of our water.  There will be a lawyer in our life too.

The Foster Parent license is for 3 years and during that time we have to do about 20 hours of extra classes.  Apparently the state provides these classes for you so we will cross that bridge later.

Our hope is that we can adopt so we will be put on a list as potential Adoptive parents.  The goal of the state is always reunification.. keeping families intact.. and that makes total sense... but we know we don't live in an ideal world so we are open to adopting a child/children who's parents cannot raise them for whatever reason. 

My back went out over the weekend... I had never experienced such pain before....
I was scared... and freaked out for a good 24 hours...  At certain points I couldn't move at all , the pain was so intense.  I was mad... scared.... sad  as my brain went to the worse possible scenarios.  What if my back never gets better? How will I be able to take care of children if I am permanently like this? People from the state are coming to our house this week, how will I get the house ready?  I was in a pitty party for a bit.. Feeling sorry for myself.. yada yada...   Monday morning I woke up and I was like, Heck No!  I am going to push through this!  My broke back is not gonna stop me!  If the hubs has to carry me into the Adoption meeting, I am going!  If I have to hobble in like a 90 year old, I am going!  I went to the Dr., got some muscle relaxers and anti inflammatory meds and rested up.  I hobbled into the meeting but during the meeting I didn't have any pain!  Tuesday morning I still could barely get out of bed, but slowly throughout the day I tidied up things, pushed through the pain and we did the class anyway.  I spoke to my #1 fan today, and she said, 'maybe you are going to go through painful times, physically, emotionally, until you get a child- just like women who are pregnant do."   "Maybe God is going to use the painful times to teach you stuff to prepare you for parenthood?"   yup... that makes sense!   Maybe that won't make sense to everybody, but that makes sense to me.     So we go forward!   Trusting God the whole way...

Next step is to be officially hooked up with our Resource worker from the state.  Then more paperwork.. paperwork.. paperwork and 8 more classes.... fingerprinting and baby proofing!

Our Journey so far.....

A few months ago, the hubs says I think it's time.
Time for what?
Time to pursue Adoption.  Time to pursue the organization Miriam's Heart. Time to get movin.

I have been waiting to hear those words for a long time but I decided about a year ago to wait and not push things.. to wait for the hubs to be ready.. to wait for the right timing. 

Miriam's Heart is a non profit organization that started in a local church nearby.  Check out the website!  Their mission is to support people in the adoption/foster care process and to equip the church to care for the orphans like the Bible talks about.  They also have get-togethers once a month or so with families who have adopted. The hubs works with someone who knows the leaders of the organization, so we gave them a call and within a few days we were drinking 'blue water' with them in their home and asking tons of questions.  3 hours felt like 15 minutes and we knew we had made new friends.  Our new friends told us about the 3 main routes to adoption.  International, Domestic via a private agency and Foster Care/Adoption through the state. 

After taking a week or so to investigate, and from what we learned, we decided Domestic adoption through a private agency was the way to go.  After telling our immediate families on Mothers Day about our ventures, we sent in the initial application and were told we would hear back in a few weeks.

During those few weeks however, another door seemed to blow wide open. We had dismissed Foster care/adoption through the state because we live in a one bedroom apartment and were told we couldn't even apply until we had the extra bedrooms.  However, my heart still leaned that way.  Almost every day at my job I work with the social workers of the state.  Some of my clients children have been put into foster care.  I know their stories, I see their faces when I close my eyes, I hear my husbands story playing in my head.   I told my boss that my initial contact at 1800-NJ-ADOPT was less than pleasant.  She called some connections of hers at the state and within a few days I received two separate phone calls from a state worker saying they wanted to answer my questions. 
All of a sudden, the door was open....  if we wanted to Foster/Adopt a child under the age of 2, we didn't have to have a separate bedroom upon applying.    That contact hooked me up with another contact and within a weeks time we had filled out the application... made a date for fingerprinting... and signed up for our 9 classes!   AND  the initial class we will miss due to vacation, so they are sending the trainer to our house to do the first class so we aren't delayed!   Our Own Personal Class! BOOM!  All hooked up within a weeks time! 

Finally after 3 weeks of sending in the application to the private agency we received a phone call back.  During those 3 weeks, all of the above happened with the state and so we have closed the doors to the private agency. 

Is this process scary?  Sure.  I have heard heart breaking stories from every avenue.   Sometimes things get held up with International adoptions and families have been matched with a child but can't bring them to the states for like 2 years or more or, they never get officially adopted!  Sometimes a birth mother chooses to place her child via a private agency and then changes her mind.   Sometimes children are placed in a home via the state and then their biological parents get their act together (Praise God!) and then children are returned to their biological parents.  All of the above would lead to heart ache for the adoptive parents.... All of the above are 'scary' scenarios for adoptive parents...  Does that mean we don't try?  NO!      We move forward in what we feel called to do and trust that we can get through whatever!  We have each other.. We have God.. We have awesome family.. Whatever heart-ache (the bad kind) and whatever heart-ache (the good kind) -  we will embrace it all.

Monday night we have a meeting with Miram's Heart where they will have representatives from the State, and from private agencies both Domestic and International.  People who are interested in adoption/foster care will be there. We will drink coffee.. meet new friends.. and learn more about it all.  Any New Jersey peeps interested in adoption, come join us!  www.miriamsheart.org

Tuesday night we will meet the first of many state workers.  In our home no less!  aaahh!  Now this guy won't be inspecting things... but for cryin out loud I must get this place spotless!  :) 

Hubs just shared this song with me...... oh my.... definite tears...  this will definitely be our song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooYWCAG3veo

Psalm 27: ¹³ I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
¹⁴ Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord.

6 Days

6 days.... 

6 days until we meet the first of MANY state workers who will come into our home...
6 days until we open up our lives to the scrutiny and judgment of others who will decide if we are fit to be parents...
6 days to get Chewie to not bark at strangers...  Ha!

We are excited... we are nervous.. we are peaceful  all at the same time!

Why Foster Care/Adoption? 

Bottom line-  We have a lot of love to give, our hearts ache to have a family and we want to open up our hearts and home to care for children who have been neglected/abused.

 

We know we are in for a tough road ahead.  We also know that equal moments of joy are ahead of us as well.  Pain, Joy, Laughter, Tears, Heart Ache- the bad kind, Heart Ache- the good kind, :  we want it all!    Life is unpredictable at best..... and we are preparing for a world of 'unknowns'.  BUT we know God is real... God is faithful... and God has a heart for the abused and neglected. So we are trusting Him to guide us and help us to love and provide a safe home to whoever He puts in our lives. 

 

We won't be able to share specific details about the child/children that come into our home, nor pictures.  However we will be able to share about the process and the journey.  Our hearts are completely for adoption and so the goal is to be placed on the list of foster parents who are wanting to adopt.  We are not completely sure about the details of all of this, but over the next few months these details will be revealed as we are in process to become licensed Foster Parents looking to adopt.

 

Are we excited to become parents?   Sure....   but our hearts our equally burdened knowing that in order for a child to be placed with us they will have gone through bad stuff, to put it lightly....  their biological parents will have gone through bad stuff....  so our hearts are pulled in two directions...  There are currently about 7,000 children in the New Jersey Foster Care system.   woa....

There are currently about 500,000 children in the United States in the Foster Care System... woa... 

My husband was adopted himself through the Foster Care system 33 years ago.... 

 

We are jumping in and waiting to see what happens!