Fingerprinting done!
We are still waiting for a call from our official Resource Worker.
Hopefully this week!
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
First class done!
Part of the reason for blogging about our journey is to share the foster care/ adoption process with folks who are interested in pursuing this for themselves. Part of the reason is to have a written account of our own to look back and see. Part of the reason for blogging is to share with our friends and family near and far what is going on!
Monday night was the Miriam's Heart get together.
Tuesday night was our first PRIDE class where a state worker actually came to our home and gave us our own personal class. He said that he rarely ever does personal classes for people but our worker pulled some strings so that we could do the JULY set of classes instead of August.
The Miriam's Heart get together was great! There were representatives from different agencies there as well as from the state. There were a handful of parents there who are Foster Parents already. Some whom have adopted through the state... some whom have fostered for years and the children have been reunited with their biological family. There were wonderful discussions and wonderful questions asked. We learned a lot. :)
Our first PRIDE class went well!
PRIDE classes-
Parent Resources for Information Development and Education
We received our PRIDE book that we have to bring to the 9 required classes. The book is over 400 pages long.... whoa...... my favorite section is the section on "Hair and Skin care for children of African decent." This is the first section I will read! We have no idea what race baby/children we will have some day. Time to learn about it all! More serious topics in the book are "Understanding Child Traumatic Stress" and "Behavioral problems of Children who have been Sexually Abused". We have no idea the amount or type of abuse/neglect that the children will have who come to us. That is the main reason for these classes.. to prepare us for the journey ahead.
We found out that there will be NUMEROUS state workers in our life. We will have a Resource worker and the child will have a different resource worker. There will be a nurse that comes to do monthly visits to make sure we are taking care of the child's medical needs (taking to dr., getting proper vaccinations etc). There will be a Licensing officer who comes prior to us being licensed to make sure our home is safe. They will check for the obvious things... making sure outlets are covered, baby gates for the stairs, etc. They will also check for more obscure things like the temperature of our water. There will be a lawyer in our life too.
The Foster Parent license is for 3 years and during that time we have to do about 20 hours of extra classes. Apparently the state provides these classes for you so we will cross that bridge later.
Our hope is that we can adopt so we will be put on a list as potential Adoptive parents. The goal of the state is always reunification.. keeping families intact.. and that makes total sense... but we know we don't live in an ideal world so we are open to adopting a child/children who's parents cannot raise them for whatever reason.
My back went out over the weekend... I had never experienced such pain before....
I was scared... and freaked out for a good 24 hours... At certain points I couldn't move at all , the pain was so intense. I was mad... scared.... sad as my brain went to the worse possible scenarios. What if my back never gets better? How will I be able to take care of children if I am permanently like this? People from the state are coming to our house this week, how will I get the house ready? I was in a pitty party for a bit.. Feeling sorry for myself.. yada yada... Monday morning I woke up and I was like, Heck No! I am going to push through this! My broke back is not gonna stop me! If the hubs has to carry me into the Adoption meeting, I am going! If I have to hobble in like a 90 year old, I am going! I went to the Dr., got some muscle relaxers and anti inflammatory meds and rested up. I hobbled into the meeting but during the meeting I didn't have any pain! Tuesday morning I still could barely get out of bed, but slowly throughout the day I tidied up things, pushed through the pain and we did the class anyway. I spoke to my #1 fan today, and she said, 'maybe you are going to go through painful times, physically, emotionally, until you get a child- just like women who are pregnant do." "Maybe God is going to use the painful times to teach you stuff to prepare you for parenthood?" yup... that makes sense! Maybe that won't make sense to everybody, but that makes sense to me. So we go forward! Trusting God the whole way...
Next step is to be officially hooked up with our Resource worker from the state. Then more paperwork.. paperwork.. paperwork and 8 more classes.... fingerprinting and baby proofing!
Monday night was the Miriam's Heart get together.
Tuesday night was our first PRIDE class where a state worker actually came to our home and gave us our own personal class. He said that he rarely ever does personal classes for people but our worker pulled some strings so that we could do the JULY set of classes instead of August.
The Miriam's Heart get together was great! There were representatives from different agencies there as well as from the state. There were a handful of parents there who are Foster Parents already. Some whom have adopted through the state... some whom have fostered for years and the children have been reunited with their biological family. There were wonderful discussions and wonderful questions asked. We learned a lot. :)
Our first PRIDE class went well!
PRIDE classes-
Parent Resources for Information Development and Education
We received our PRIDE book that we have to bring to the 9 required classes. The book is over 400 pages long.... whoa...... my favorite section is the section on "Hair and Skin care for children of African decent." This is the first section I will read! We have no idea what race baby/children we will have some day. Time to learn about it all! More serious topics in the book are "Understanding Child Traumatic Stress" and "Behavioral problems of Children who have been Sexually Abused". We have no idea the amount or type of abuse/neglect that the children will have who come to us. That is the main reason for these classes.. to prepare us for the journey ahead.
We found out that there will be NUMEROUS state workers in our life. We will have a Resource worker and the child will have a different resource worker. There will be a nurse that comes to do monthly visits to make sure we are taking care of the child's medical needs (taking to dr., getting proper vaccinations etc). There will be a Licensing officer who comes prior to us being licensed to make sure our home is safe. They will check for the obvious things... making sure outlets are covered, baby gates for the stairs, etc. They will also check for more obscure things like the temperature of our water. There will be a lawyer in our life too.
The Foster Parent license is for 3 years and during that time we have to do about 20 hours of extra classes. Apparently the state provides these classes for you so we will cross that bridge later.
Our hope is that we can adopt so we will be put on a list as potential Adoptive parents. The goal of the state is always reunification.. keeping families intact.. and that makes total sense... but we know we don't live in an ideal world so we are open to adopting a child/children who's parents cannot raise them for whatever reason.
My back went out over the weekend... I had never experienced such pain before....
I was scared... and freaked out for a good 24 hours... At certain points I couldn't move at all , the pain was so intense. I was mad... scared.... sad as my brain went to the worse possible scenarios. What if my back never gets better? How will I be able to take care of children if I am permanently like this? People from the state are coming to our house this week, how will I get the house ready? I was in a pitty party for a bit.. Feeling sorry for myself.. yada yada... Monday morning I woke up and I was like, Heck No! I am going to push through this! My broke back is not gonna stop me! If the hubs has to carry me into the Adoption meeting, I am going! If I have to hobble in like a 90 year old, I am going! I went to the Dr., got some muscle relaxers and anti inflammatory meds and rested up. I hobbled into the meeting but during the meeting I didn't have any pain! Tuesday morning I still could barely get out of bed, but slowly throughout the day I tidied up things, pushed through the pain and we did the class anyway. I spoke to my #1 fan today, and she said, 'maybe you are going to go through painful times, physically, emotionally, until you get a child- just like women who are pregnant do." "Maybe God is going to use the painful times to teach you stuff to prepare you for parenthood?" yup... that makes sense! Maybe that won't make sense to everybody, but that makes sense to me. So we go forward! Trusting God the whole way...
Next step is to be officially hooked up with our Resource worker from the state. Then more paperwork.. paperwork.. paperwork and 8 more classes.... fingerprinting and baby proofing!
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Our Journey so far.....
A few months ago, the hubs says I think it's time.
Time for what?
Time to pursue Adoption. Time to pursue the organization Miriam's Heart. Time to get movin.
I have been waiting to hear those words for a long time but I decided about a year ago to wait and not push things.. to wait for the hubs to be ready.. to wait for the right timing.
Miriam's Heart is a non profit organization that started in a local church nearby. Check out the website! Their mission is to support people in the adoption/foster care process and to equip the church to care for the orphans like the Bible talks about. They also have get-togethers once a month or so with families who have adopted. The hubs works with someone who knows the leaders of the organization, so we gave them a call and within a few days we were drinking 'blue water' with them in their home and asking tons of questions. 3 hours felt like 15 minutes and we knew we had made new friends. Our new friends told us about the 3 main routes to adoption. International, Domestic via a private agency and Foster Care/Adoption through the state.
After taking a week or so to investigate, and from what we learned, we decided Domestic adoption through a private agency was the way to go. After telling our immediate families on Mothers Day about our ventures, we sent in the initial application and were told we would hear back in a few weeks.
During those few weeks however, another door seemed to blow wide open. We had dismissed Foster care/adoption through the state because we live in a one bedroom apartment and were told we couldn't even apply until we had the extra bedrooms. However, my heart still leaned that way. Almost every day at my job I work with the social workers of the state. Some of my clients children have been put into foster care. I know their stories, I see their faces when I close my eyes, I hear my husbands story playing in my head. I told my boss that my initial contact at 1800-NJ-ADOPT was less than pleasant. She called some connections of hers at the state and within a few days I received two separate phone calls from a state worker saying they wanted to answer my questions.
All of a sudden, the door was open.... if we wanted to Foster/Adopt a child under the age of 2, we didn't have to have a separate bedroom upon applying. That contact hooked me up with another contact and within a weeks time we had filled out the application... made a date for fingerprinting... and signed up for our 9 classes! AND the initial class we will miss due to vacation, so they are sending the trainer to our house to do the first class so we aren't delayed! Our Own Personal Class! BOOM! All hooked up within a weeks time!
Finally after 3 weeks of sending in the application to the private agency we received a phone call back. During those 3 weeks, all of the above happened with the state and so we have closed the doors to the private agency.
Is this process scary? Sure. I have heard heart breaking stories from every avenue. Sometimes things get held up with International adoptions and families have been matched with a child but can't bring them to the states for like 2 years or more or, they never get officially adopted! Sometimes a birth mother chooses to place her child via a private agency and then changes her mind. Sometimes children are placed in a home via the state and then their biological parents get their act together (Praise God!) and then children are returned to their biological parents. All of the above would lead to heart ache for the adoptive parents.... All of the above are 'scary' scenarios for adoptive parents... Does that mean we don't try? NO! We move forward in what we feel called to do and trust that we can get through whatever! We have each other.. We have God.. We have awesome family.. Whatever heart-ache (the bad kind) and whatever heart-ache (the good kind) - we will embrace it all.
Monday night we have a meeting with Miram's Heart where they will have representatives from the State, and from private agencies both Domestic and International. People who are interested in adoption/foster care will be there. We will drink coffee.. meet new friends.. and learn more about it all. Any New Jersey peeps interested in adoption, come join us! www.miriamsheart.org
Tuesday night we will meet the first of many state workers. In our home no less! aaahh! Now this guy won't be inspecting things... but for cryin out loud I must get this place spotless! :)
Hubs just shared this song with me...... oh my.... definite tears... this will definitely be our song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooYWCAG3veo
Psalm 27: 13 I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
Time for what?
Time to pursue Adoption. Time to pursue the organization Miriam's Heart. Time to get movin.
I have been waiting to hear those words for a long time but I decided about a year ago to wait and not push things.. to wait for the hubs to be ready.. to wait for the right timing.
Miriam's Heart is a non profit organization that started in a local church nearby. Check out the website! Their mission is to support people in the adoption/foster care process and to equip the church to care for the orphans like the Bible talks about. They also have get-togethers once a month or so with families who have adopted. The hubs works with someone who knows the leaders of the organization, so we gave them a call and within a few days we were drinking 'blue water' with them in their home and asking tons of questions. 3 hours felt like 15 minutes and we knew we had made new friends. Our new friends told us about the 3 main routes to adoption. International, Domestic via a private agency and Foster Care/Adoption through the state.
After taking a week or so to investigate, and from what we learned, we decided Domestic adoption through a private agency was the way to go. After telling our immediate families on Mothers Day about our ventures, we sent in the initial application and were told we would hear back in a few weeks.
During those few weeks however, another door seemed to blow wide open. We had dismissed Foster care/adoption through the state because we live in a one bedroom apartment and were told we couldn't even apply until we had the extra bedrooms. However, my heart still leaned that way. Almost every day at my job I work with the social workers of the state. Some of my clients children have been put into foster care. I know their stories, I see their faces when I close my eyes, I hear my husbands story playing in my head. I told my boss that my initial contact at 1800-NJ-ADOPT was less than pleasant. She called some connections of hers at the state and within a few days I received two separate phone calls from a state worker saying they wanted to answer my questions.
All of a sudden, the door was open.... if we wanted to Foster/Adopt a child under the age of 2, we didn't have to have a separate bedroom upon applying. That contact hooked me up with another contact and within a weeks time we had filled out the application... made a date for fingerprinting... and signed up for our 9 classes! AND the initial class we will miss due to vacation, so they are sending the trainer to our house to do the first class so we aren't delayed! Our Own Personal Class! BOOM! All hooked up within a weeks time!
Finally after 3 weeks of sending in the application to the private agency we received a phone call back. During those 3 weeks, all of the above happened with the state and so we have closed the doors to the private agency.
Is this process scary? Sure. I have heard heart breaking stories from every avenue. Sometimes things get held up with International adoptions and families have been matched with a child but can't bring them to the states for like 2 years or more or, they never get officially adopted! Sometimes a birth mother chooses to place her child via a private agency and then changes her mind. Sometimes children are placed in a home via the state and then their biological parents get their act together (Praise God!) and then children are returned to their biological parents. All of the above would lead to heart ache for the adoptive parents.... All of the above are 'scary' scenarios for adoptive parents... Does that mean we don't try? NO! We move forward in what we feel called to do and trust that we can get through whatever! We have each other.. We have God.. We have awesome family.. Whatever heart-ache (the bad kind) and whatever heart-ache (the good kind) - we will embrace it all.
Monday night we have a meeting with Miram's Heart where they will have representatives from the State, and from private agencies both Domestic and International. People who are interested in adoption/foster care will be there. We will drink coffee.. meet new friends.. and learn more about it all. Any New Jersey peeps interested in adoption, come join us! www.miriamsheart.org
Tuesday night we will meet the first of many state workers. In our home no less! aaahh! Now this guy won't be inspecting things... but for cryin out loud I must get this place spotless! :)
Hubs just shared this song with me...... oh my.... definite tears... this will definitely be our song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooYWCAG3veo
Psalm 27: 13 I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
6 Days
6 days....
6 days until we meet the first of MANY state workers who will come into our home...
6 days until we open up our lives to the scrutiny and judgment of others who will decide if we are fit to be parents...
6 days to get Chewie to not bark at strangers... Ha!
6 days until we open up our lives to the scrutiny and judgment of others who will decide if we are fit to be parents...
6 days to get Chewie to not bark at strangers... Ha!
We are excited... we are nervous.. we are peaceful all at the same time!
Why Foster Care/Adoption?
Bottom line- We have a lot of love to give, our hearts ache to have a family and we want to open up our hearts and home to care for children who have been neglected/abused.
We know we are in for a tough road ahead. We also know that equal moments of joy are ahead of us as well. Pain, Joy, Laughter, Tears, Heart Ache- the bad kind, Heart Ache- the good kind, : we want it all! Life is unpredictable at best..... and we are preparing for a world of 'unknowns'. BUT we know God is real... God is faithful... and God has a heart for the abused and neglected. So we are trusting Him to guide us and help us to love and provide a safe home to whoever He puts in our lives.
We won't be able to share specific details about the child/children that come into our home, nor pictures. However we will be able to share about the process and the journey. Our hearts are completely for adoption and so the goal is to be placed on the list of foster parents who are wanting to adopt. We are not completely sure about the details of all of this, but over the next few months these details will be revealed as we are in process to become licensed Foster Parents looking to adopt.
Are we excited to become parents? Sure.... but our hearts our equally burdened knowing that in order for a child to be placed with us they will have gone through bad stuff, to put it lightly.... their biological parents will have gone through bad stuff.... so our hearts are pulled in two directions... There are currently about 7,000 children in the New Jersey Foster Care system. woa....
There are currently about 500,000 children in the United States in the Foster Care System... woa...
My husband was adopted himself through the Foster Care system 33 years ago....
We are jumping in and waiting to see what happens!
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